Seltzerlizard

❝I was at the movies yesterday and before the movie started they had this long ad where they were trying to say like — you know those ads where it’s like, “Don’t download things illegally, et cetera,” —- and the way they did it was they were like, “You wouldn’t steal a purse, would you? You wouldn’t think of stealing a car.” And I was thinking about it, I was watching it and I was like, “You know what? I would steal a car if it was as easy as touching the car and then thirty seconds later I owned the car. And, like, I would steal a car if by stealing the car, the person who owned the car, they got to keep the car. And um, I would also steal a car if no one I had ever met had ever bought a car before in their whole lives.❞